As I write this, I am full of a cold and my lungs desperately cough up things that don’t belong inside me any more.  It feels apt. Our bodies are so literal. My body is inviting me slow down, look at what’s inside my metaphorical backpack and let go of old toxic baggage before I lay out my path for 2026. 

At the end of each year, we welcome a brand new year, and sometimes say good riddance to the year we leave behind. We might hope, even plan, to become better versions of ourselves. I’ve never been great at setting new year’s resolutions, but I have in the past created aspirations for myself. Such as, in the coming year, I will say YES to more new experiences that are outside my comfort zone. And, I will learn to firmly and respectfully say NO rather than go along to keep the peace. In other words, I will begin to consciously make more self-honouring choices. 

What I have not done before is to stop and consciously take stock of what I’ve got in my backpack; what I can choose to keep, even nurture; what is weighing me down that needs my attention before I decide what to do with it. 

So now, I ask myself these questions:

• What memories will join my album of future nostalgia? 
• Which beliefs became reinforced through lived experience?
• Which values and perceptions changed or became clearer?
• Which deep and uncomfortable feelings did I suppress, not daring to acknowledge or process them?

That last question relates to negative trapped emotions. These are like toxins that taint and poison us from within.  Today I’m going identify one such category of emotions that I know I must deal with. 

Over the course of the year, my adult children became estranged from me. It began, just over a year ago, with my daughter who is in her mid-twenties and lives independently not far from our family home. In November last year, we were struck with two tragedies: the death of my beloved cousin from cancer, followed by my children’s father suffering a devastating stroke. Our relationship with him was a complicated one even before this happened.

While her dad was still in hospital, my daughter stopped talking to me, refused to engage with my text messages and eventually blocked me. At first there was no explanation for this behaviour. I tried to find reasons and desperately looked for clues in our interactions over the recent past. 

Several weeks later, she sent me a long message with reasons why she was angry with me and wanted no contact. Knowing her ‘why’ provided me with some closure but no opportunity to have a conversation about it. I accepted and understood her reasoning, even if I did not agree with it all. 

You see, every one of us lives with the guilt of things we could, should and would have done differently. Especially if we had known then what we know now.  Unresolved guilt is insidious and saps the life-force. 

Even more corrosive than guilt is blame. Blaming oneself leads to a toxic combination of guilt and shame. Blaming others can lead to frustration and resentment, keeping us stuck in the victim mindset. 

Many years ago, I remember reading an interview with Morgan Freeman, the star of movies such as Shawshank Redemption, a film that pushes the idea that the best aim in life is to simply be a good person. I will never forget his words. “The world does not promise you forgiveness. You have to try to live your life in such a way that don’t need to be forgiven. Being thanked is much better than being forgiven.” 

As I look back at my role as a mother, I can see that I did the best I could with what I knew and with the resources I had at the time. My daughter is entitled to her perspective, and I asked for her forgiveness. More importantly, I look in my own heart for forgiveness towards my younger self.

I am not yet forgiven by my firstborn. Her anger has tainted my son, affecting how he interacts with me. It’s been a difficult year, and family occasions such as birthdays and Christmas don’t feel the same. Our family home holds many reminders of the two and a half decades of our lives. Old photos that pop up on my Facebook Memories remind me of the way we were.  We were happy. We had fun. We had each other when times were tough. The joy and connection was real. It is the stuff of nostalgia. It brings me comfort. But it must remain firmly in the past.

I have made peace with this estrangement. The alternative is too self-destructive. I have faith it will not last forever. At some deep level, I am even proud of my daughter. She’s working on her own wellbeing and has decided she needs to cut me off to focus on herself.  That hurts, of course. As her mother, I want to be there for her, no matter what. And yet, her rejection of me shields me from her daily stresses that perhaps I am ill equipped to help her with. 

I am learning to accept the role anger plays in burning through other more debilitating emotions such as shame, guilt, blame and grief. Anger propels you to take action and move out of the inertia brought on by those other lower frequency emotions. We must respect the destructive and purifying fire that is anger. 

Our family has been through a lot, and we are all individually and collectively dealing with the fallout. At a subconscious level, my children know that I love them unconditionally. When they’ve worked through their stuff, I hope we will be reconciled and be a proper family again. I will receive them with open arms and a heart that is full of love and gratitude. 

As I deal with this particular hot potato of emotional baggage, I view it with curiosity and compassion. I thank it for the lessons it is teaching me. One lesson is that sometimes you have to be left in order to find yourself. Those feelings of abandonment, banishment and betrayal that hurt us so much can also set us free. We would never explore another world, a new connection or a different life if we remained tethered to the old. 

The feeling of sadness and discomfort is natural. We are in a liminal space between the life we once knew and loved, and the new unfamiliar one we are embarking on. The answer is to trust and surrender to what is, and stop dwelling on the what-ifs. 

We mustn’t let nostalgia of ‘the good old days’ keep us stuck in the past. We can also learn to release old resentments and blame. The past and the future are mutable fragments of time. There is only ever the present moment in which we create both our past and our future. In this moment we can choose how to be and what actions we take. We can create new memories that become nostalgic moments in times to come.

In 2026, I choose joy and freedom. I will check-in with myself (and others) on a regular basis with patience and curiosity. I will love with all my heart. I will let go of people, things, memories, beliefs and emotions that don’t belong with me any more. I will ask clearly for the things I want. I will live with gratitude, wonder and faith. Faith that in the end love always wins.

I wish you a year that is full of possibilities, and for your journey through 2026 to be enjoyable.